Six women from different ages and backgrounds in an open conversation with regards of Michelle’s book.
Boundaries and stuff
Vulnerability. The way we feel. The things we do. The uncertainties. Outside the box. Mistakes everybody is watching. Be kind to yourself. Constant evolution.
People come up to you and know you. You have a platform. They are trying to show love, but you are not ready for it. You act nervously. It’s an open up to the world abyss.
Michelle tells a 28 year old. We can stand here. It’s a regular interaction and now you turn it into a thing. At the soccer game field. Being there. How to treat a celebrity in this space. I will talk to you as a regular mother. The minute you put it into a thing, we have to stop it. That’s the thing about vulnerability. I’m gonna share with you how I feel. People get it. If we give people credit for understanding this situation, they get it. Let me explain this to you. This is how it’s going work. Don’t do this. We can do this instead.
What would Mrs. Obama do?
How you react is not my business.
Their reaction still bothers you.
The boundaries. Protecting our armour.
Once we know our light. Create your protection. They will eat your light out.
If you are reacting negative to me, it’s not me.
You have your boundaries. If they get upset about your boundaries. It’s not on you. Leave.
Sometimes you have your moments. It’s not a celebraty thing.
Having a community. Don’t do things alone. Be real to yourself.
There is so much in life that we have to practice. Being in community.
How do I let them go?
Let them grow up and make mistakes. Your heart out in your shoulder.
Rushing into parenting.
They have learn how to make friend. They have feel confortable in sleep over. Make their own friends. Go through security airport.
Life ain’t fair.
She said I hate you.
Go in your room and say that.
It’s not real.
You are not my best friend.
Don’t you hate when mom says I’m not one of your little friend.
I don’t need that.
So much of parenting is about not wanting you.
They have to learn to live in their unhappiness, unfairness.
They have to learn that at home.
You drive your kids mad.
You need the feeling that you can do it.
Feeling of competence.
When we stop the feeling of fear, you stop the competence learning.
Having somebody insulting you.
Having somebody greeting you with a bad eye.
Me and my brother.
It’s not what you can offer. It’s the deliveratbly.
Who do I want that adult to be?
My parents had that common sense. We don’t spend enough time.
How to transform your challenges into your superpower?
Angie Martinez. Kelly Rowland. Tina Rowland-Lawson.
You have to know yourself. Who are you? Are you ready? Who do you want to do it with? Is that other person whole? You have to be whole? A forever journey. I’m still perfecting ourself. Our partnership.
The first step: can you feed yourself? What do you bring to the table? Can you bring to the table what it takes?
Don’t get marry until you’ve been out to the world.
I met him at 26, and marry at 28. He was older.
Pick your fights. Delivery is the trigger. Giving up too fast. How much work is required to be in a couple. Bringing two lives together… one of the hardest things.
Oh, you’ve got time for golfing?
Little kids… they are terrorist.
You can’t blame them. They are cute. You turn that ire on each other. For 10 years I hate him.
Marriage isn’t 50% 50%.
10 years. Give been together 30.
You have got to know your person.
I’m not happy with you but I respect you.
You are still a kind and smart person.
The minute the huhuh goes, you are on the work on it.
Looking in the mirror
We didn’t have those names out there. You don’t hold to that image to yourself.
Winnie Harlow. I felt alianated. My least favorite question; why are you so confident?
We have voices in your head.
You are not capable for this.
Maybe it’s not a good idea.
Instead of pushing through, you believe the voice.
Be defiant against that voice.
The voice that comes in my head. I fight it. Give myself a pep talk.
Vulnerability. Share it. Broathen the definition of who matters.
Who belongs at the table?
Usually white. Usually male. Usually educated.
So many people feel other.
No model for you.
If you are not educated: you feel other.
When you put yourself out there, other people say, huh.
Share our despites. Own our flaws. We get stronger. We make other people get stronger.
How do you pick your friends
Daysies in a field.
Make sure my daysis know each other.
You need different people in your life.
I need mom-friends.
Be open to friendship, but be cautious on what they do.
Is that normal-crazy? Or run-crazy?
Do we still go high?
Go high, or get high?
We all feel low.
Our leaders have taken us there.
Some of our leaders.
What we get out, we get back.
The tone of the country.
Something about leadership opperating on the high.
I go low in mind, around my friends.
What’s the strategy?
If it’s just me acting with my basic emotion… not enough.
What are we doing with our platform?
I can take it.
I can settle myself.
I have enough to give you grace.
We are all capable of it.
Going high isn’t about ignoring it.
It’s about having a strategy.
Not abusing your platform.
Kitchen tables are important.
We go low. I go with mom. So, what are you gonna do about it?
The only thing warrantied: uncertainty, pain and fear.
Learn how to cope with that.
Uncertainty is baked into the process of being human.
So what are we gonna do?
Try being abuse, try poverty, try living through war. Most people have felt that.
Growth on the other side.
That’s how it happens.
Angie Martinez @angiemartinez
I gotta present like Igotit.
The power small.
We are taught to aim big.
Grab for the most.
Change the world.
You want to have big goals.
That biggness overwell us.
Take small steps.
You gotta do your homework.
Don’t let great to be the enemy of the good.
Good mother to the two kids I brought to the world.
When things are big, pick up these two needles, row after row.
Control the thing on your lap.
Focus on your knitting.
You can’t change your neigborhood if are broken.
You can’t leap before you walk.
Especially when you’ve never tasted success.
Specially for you guys in your 20s.
That’s the armour and boundaries. Am I really feeding me first? Mask on oxygen.
If you ain’t sane, you can’t help the babies.
There’s power in small, daily habits.
Let me think about the things.
Rap about Alexander Hamilton.
Gerge Washington and Martha Washington.
He performs the first number.
What was it like for you to have them up there?
You lead with grace.
I can do that.
You know better what you can do.
People are going to lower your bar.
You know you got it in you.
You know who you are.
We are getting to show more of us.
I was this at four. I was this at seven.
It isn’t a surprise.
I know grace.
I’m mimicking what I’ve seen.
At eight years old, you changed the tone. You don’t really understand. You start talking different. A different kind of confidence.
Your kids are not your friends.
We all have a seat in the table.
Everybody in the room is supposed to be here.
We all have it in us at a young age.
You don’t belong.
We have it inside us.
We have this fighter spirit in you.
Find your voice.
If I am not great, what am I?
Enjoying the journey to great.
You don’t know how long that journey will take.
If you are only confortable in great, you are going to be not great the rest of the time.
What would michelle do?